DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
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