where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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