he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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