he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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