I just pynch a tree in the face
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
