perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
