At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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