was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
