so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
