marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
