I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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