I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
two words...techno handjob
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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