Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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