my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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