I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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