what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
