Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
