oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
