I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
