Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
It's blow job season.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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