What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
