dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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