I'm so fucking centered right now
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
