The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
