so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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