Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
