Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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