I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
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