I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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