Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
