You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
