I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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