Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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