The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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