Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I smell stomach acid.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
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he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
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We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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