She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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