she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
