How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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