the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
