i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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