She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I have aggressive nipples.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
