I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Rumble strips road head = magical
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize
