I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
