Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
