I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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