Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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