New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Randomize
