Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
