You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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