i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
