Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
