I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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