There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Randomize
