She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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