do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
