I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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