I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
