you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
