I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
