ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
