1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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