im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
